coconuts.

Just a post for me to ramble because I like rambling.. nothing significant said here so you may as well stop reading (who actually says anything important.. if it's important you're much too serious, stop)... hanywho.. my mother has been on on a coconut binge lately (being a coconut herself) so there's been plenty of servings bouncing around, I even took some to work thinking I could share with my colleagues.. "nek minnit".. two of my colleagues hadn't even tasted coconut before (which was obviously force fed to them), one hadn't even had mango before OR apricots - super strange. Poor children, the deprivation of such basic joys one should have in life... I mean, where have these people been? the desert?? am I strange to find it strange? I likened it to not having ever seen The Sound of Music or Grease and you know what? Silence greeted me, my friends. silence.

what.

And I thought I was uncultured...

Think less, live more.

Been feeling pretty low and cluttered as of late so on Sunday I shut my phone off and deactivated my Facebook... my poor family have to email me to get in contact... But sometimes there's just so much going on and so many distractions that you lose yourself and then when you realise that you've neglected your happiness worrying about others you just have to step back and slow everything down and fix what's within my control. That's how I feel anyway. And I have to say, blocking myself from the external world has sort of given me a release, like, I feel free.. I realise it's a little inconvenient for those trying to contact me but right now I have to re-focus.. do things I've loved but haven't done for a while, be really present in each moment and just remember the sort of person I am...

Today has been good. I woke up and decided I was going to control how my day goes and I've been pretty good at keeping myself within stable parameters... At the train station this morning, a big freight train went past and instead of shutting it out and retreating into my thoughts, I listened. All the clinks and the rhythm changes, the grinding of metal on metal and the different sounds it made.. it was oddly refreshing... and as it completely past what was left was the sweet twittering and singing of the birds.. all different sorts of birds, different sounds..

So here I sit at my desk, cluttered with different coloured paper cranes, in my pantyhose and open toe shoes like a nanna, excited to be about to truly live in each moment, ready to change, and turn that frown upside down :) xx

Meditation Tip of the Day

There are two ways of looking at your life:
either as a business or as an adventure.
As a business, you try to evaluate
and master everything.
As an adventure, you follow
the path of your heart,
a path that goes beyond reason.
Hervé Lepêtre

Once upon a time..

To "celebrate" (I'm holding in my tears and suppressing my longing) my one year anniversary since my Europe trip I decided to depress myself with pictures.

50 Lessons Life Taught Me

By Regina Brett

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.


2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.


4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.


5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.


7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.


9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.


10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.


12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.


13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.


15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.


16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.


18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.


20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.


22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.


23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.


24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"


27. Always choose life.


28. Forgive everyone everything.


29. What other people think of you is none of your business.


30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.


31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.


36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.


40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.


41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.


42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.


43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.


44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.


45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.


47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.


48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.


50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift...

Food for thought. I like them all but LOVE the one's in purple.

"People were created to be loved.

Things were created to be used.

The reason why the world is in chaos,

is because things are being loved,

and people are being used."

                                                                             

                                                                            -unknown

Diggin'

Unknown

"Feeling is the nominalization of "to feel". "

Well thanks for nothing Wikipedia.

Don't you wish sometimes that you could Google someone's feelings? Or even Google an explanation of your own feelings? It would be so easy. No attachments, no misinterpretations, no mind games, not having to "read between the lines"... facts. This is my call to science, stop avoiding it, help a sister out. Technologise the human out of that. Google needs to know e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.

*Feelings are bothersome*

“Mamihlapinatapai: A look shared by two people with each wishing that the other will initiate something that both desire but which neither one wants to start.”

Cannibal love.

Find more artists like White Sea at Myspace Music 

I'm all over this in so many ways.

I'm just a girl who lets strangers get into her car and gets into strangers car.

That's literal and metaphorical. Read it how you like. Oh the connotations.

"Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead."

- Charles Bukowski

Word to the wise.

Whatever you do, don't trust anyone else's sense of aesthetics.

Poor me.

Went to QLD on the weekend for my cousin's wedding (who I hadn't seen for 17 years) and so given the occasion I decided I was going to get my make-up done professionally - I wanted to make a good impression ok?? (see what I did there?).
So anyway, I pre-booked a salon right, got to Brisbane, met my beautician (told her my dress was cream and told her I was going for the natural look with emphasis on the eyes - she seemed all for it), got taken out to the beauty rooms, seated, head back, eyes closed, all seemed well.

We talked. She painted. I liked her. She finished.

Look, I don't like to judge but it seemed to me after what I was shown as a finished product, that she was off her rocker, or maybe there's some new age definition of "natural", or maybe she was just having me on and was going to fix it before letting me out in public.. but she didn't.

I didn't take a picture, I thought about it but I decided I didn't want any one to see me like that.. not even for laughs..so you'll have to use your imagination.

I looked like an A-grade transvestite. My foundation was caked on, she'd used gold eyeshadow near my brow bone and under my eyes with dark brown eyeshadow on the lid and crease, flicking the corners up towards my eyebrow (you know, reserved for the vampire look), no eyeliner, the tiniest amount of mascara. My cheekbones were sharply "highlighted" with an earthy red blush. As she was doing my lips she was telling me she would put a stain on under the lipstick so that when I ate I would still have a bit of colour and wouldn't look too pale - I was expecting a soft pink or something. It almost looked black.

I almost gagged at the sight of myself. I couldn't believe she was for real.

I couldn't complain cos I liked her and I'd feel bad but it was so NOT what I was after. I barely managed an eyebrow raise and a "cool". Apparently she loved it.

Paid $65 for that only to wipe it off and go straight to the chemist for supplies to fix it.

Disaster. Never again.

Today's just one of them days - dressing gown, peppermint tea and Sade.

Listening to Sade always gives me a stab of nostalgia for the restaurant in Paris we went to... probably not doing the best for my spirits right now.

Genius.

Sister 1 sitting at kitchen table eating a bowl of spaghetti bolognaise.

Sister 2 in bedroom doing homework.

Older Brother enters kitchen, walks past sister 1 to sister 2 in bedroom, opens bedroom door:

“So where’s this bloody spaghetti?”

Sister 1 overhears and looks up in disbelief.

Sister 2 “uh.. in the kitchen”

Brother “oh right”

Brother walks to stove and opens pot 1 ft spaghetti. Proceeds to fill plate. Brother then looks dumbfounded.

Brother asks sister 1 “where’s the bloody sauce?”

Sister 1 raises her eyebrows “In the pot next to it”.

Brother opens fridge and peers in “Is there any parmesan cheese?”

“no and you wouldn’t find it in the fridge anyway, there’s a block of cheese in there though”

“But its not grated”

“you serious? Man, I should return it..”

“Do I have to grate it myself?”

Sister 1 …………….

Can you believe he got an enter of 97.6??

Look, I'm just really lovin' this song.


Tim Neuhaus - As Life Found You from Grand Hotel van Cleef on Vimeo.

Squandering time, as usual.

A sudden and unexpected appreciation for street art has hit me in the face. And I don't mean street "art" as in graffiti "tagging" and scribbles of bold colour and all that nonsense. I mean real art. Clever art. Like these:

Look, there's just too many amazing artworks to post, so just visit here. Seriously.

And check out some cool images of Poland here.

Dud to Stud.

In honour of the end of the epic journey with my dear friend Harry... CHECK.OUT. NEVILLE!! what a hunk of a spunk.

 That stubble's defs working for him too.

Concentration = zero.. you know why? YOU KNOW WHY??

Brother is going to Germany tomorrow.. and then Israel... I'm furious. Mostly because I'm jealous.

What I wouldn't give....

The sleuth.

The awkward moment when your mother catches you snogging your "friend".

Mum, don't be lurking in dark corners and catching me unawares of your presence!

So awks.

a moment of...

The awkward moment when you only learn someone's name when they add you on Facebook - and you've "known" them for years.

And maybe if I sit here sniffing this permanent marker a little longer I'll wake up.

Just rambling..

I've been having this incessant niggling at the back of my mind, well, not really at the back, it pretty much dominates me, about getting out of the 'office' sphere. It has never been my cup of tea, everyone knows it, but... it pays the bills right? So for now I'll just have to stop sooking... but I was thinking right, why not do like a short/part-time course? Get a taste of what I would maybe like to study in a couple of years time when my mother forces me to uni.. you know?

So I was having a little geeze at work during my paid hours, being all company productive as I always am, and there were quite a few courses that interested me.... trouble is though, none of them are actually useful :P

Which is slightly annoying (how will I ever make a living?!), but more amusing. Rather than trying something sensible like business (zzzzzzz...) or teaching training, I'm seriously considering codswollop like:

• astrology
• iridology
• reiki
• meditation and practical zen
• shiatsu
• breast fitness

                                                     You get the gist...

but I need to do SOMETHING.

or I will go insane.

Thug Mansion

Say hello to my new hangout crib, my gangsters paradise. Ok, I do realise I've ghetto'd three times already in my verbage. I'll stop. But seriously, do you know anyone with a disco ball in their living quarters? How cool is it?!

Yay to brother dear and him letting me throw a party here.... one day.

Came by this on the train ride to work this morning... beautiful.

I do like Bon Iver.

Better the devil you know than the devil you don't... apparently.

Not really one to publicize my woes but I'm feeling a need to expose myself just a little bit and vent this out... even if it's just a short note for my more prominent thoughts... If you read this, next time you see me, don't mention it.

I'm finding it hard to believe that someone you can have around your whole life, someone who has tried to teach you good, who is supposed to be a support and that you love, can do something or act a certain way that slaps you in the face. Suddenly your whole perspective changes and you have to re-evaluate that person. And sadly, that person you trusted goes from hero to opposition - an utter betrayal.

In one act against you, your whole life has to change. A conflict between a thousand emotions play inside you... you know what you have to do... you just wish it wasn't that way.


But I guess that's life. And I suppose the hard times make the good times that much better.

But bloody hell, those good times are in debt.

 

Need this bed. Need this scenery. Need to be floating on a lake.

Exhausted and down, need a little escape and meditation. Blergh.

People are so clever sometimes..

So I was randomly browsing the interweb today and I found myself looking through art sites and blogs and I came across some sik as art pieces. Check it.

Literally hand painting! Heaps more from here.

*sigh. the talented and weird make me happy :)

Waste not, want not.

Defs some interesting characters at this place - there's one fellow (happy/spaced out/walks-on-his-toes sort of fellow), for instance, who has an incessant need to print something out every half hour or so, walk into someone else's office to use their stapler and then take it straight to the recycle bin.

Why? no idea.

We're keeping a tally of how many times he does this per day in addition to how many times he walks past... we've placed bets amongst ourselves... unethical but amusing.

Yesterday someone jammed a large bit of cardboard in the recycle slot to mess with his head... I watched him proceed to force his bit of paper in.. poor guy, it really frustrated him... we giggled in the adjacent office... he gave up and left it sitting on top of the bin.



On another note, this workplace can't seem to get my name.. I started with Heidi and have somehow ended up with Mackenzie....

The perfection of a tulip*

Third day into my new job and I don't quite know what to make of it just yet... the people are lovely, some eccentric, one possibly bi-polaric... and of course there's an office nerd, a Jew, a chick in slacks and pink chucks, the "with its".... diverse indeed.

and work flow? slow at the moment... but that's boring, who wants to read about that. I do need to personalise my desk though, its looking as interesting as a brick wall on a gloomy day.

Boring. Need a day like the one pictured below:

Feeling the need to do something crazy very soon.

*Please note: the title of this blog entry has no relevance whatsoever with the actual blog entry.

Jasmine.

Last night we talked. We walked and we talked about him, life, love and ourselves. But mainly we spoke about Jake and you opened up, how much you love him and need him. The things he would do for you and say to you. The texts he would send but get all shy when you asked him to say them to your face. We acknowledged that it's always easier writing your true feelings rather than saying them. The more raw your feelings, the harder it is to say them...

That's why I'm writing this post to you Jasmine. I'm pouring what's real and close to my heart onto the keyboard because it's easier saying it in my head than to your face. But if I've learnt anything this weekend and from this tragedy it's to let those dearest to you know how you feel about them. So this is it:

I believe wholeheartedly that you need Jake and that you want to be with him where he is but I need you. I need you to talk to, to cry with, I need you to egg me on when I'm being inappropriate, I need you to tease me when I do things out of character. I need you to throw my advice back at me. I need you to be the little sister that needs me. I need you to keep all my secrets, to listen to all my insecurities and not laugh at them, I need you to give me advice in the areas you know I have less experience with, matters of the heart.

I need you to give me some of your pain, to take my strength and use it to combat this heartache.

Jake hasn't left you, he's in your heart. But you're here with me, with your mother, your sister, your family and everyone else who loves you and needs you. And you're in our heart.

You are a devastatingly beautiful spirit and one of the core people in my life. I love you baby girl.

This is for Jake. RIP.

 

Just because I feel like I haven't complained enough lately..

What is the POINT in being sister to a "rockstar" (pffft) if I can't even score free tickets to his own bloomin' show?! I had to purchase, PURCHASE, tickets using my hard-earned-sweat-on-brow l'argent. There is something very wrong here. Indeed.

I want to speak to Management.

Note to self: do not dedicate a song to a friend when they're going through tough times only to see the song performed live with said friend.

Imogen was amazing as usual :)

Letters to nobody.

Dear 12-yr girl with your butt cheeks literally hanging out of your short shorts,

1. Has your mother seen what you're wearing?

2. Don't you have some books to colour or something?

Sincerely,

Me

Dear boss of 4 more weeks,

You're not making it hard for me to leave you.

Sincerely,

Me

Dear Imogen Heap,

I'm seeing you tonight. You won't disappoint me and I will most likely tear up again (like the loser I am) because of your brilliancy.

Sincerely,

Me

Dear "the office racist",

Be careful, the black boy is behind you.

Sincerely,

Me

The men in my life.

You've already heard about my father, he hasn't changed a dot. There was a good one (when I say 'good' I mean awkward) last night from him - there I was, sitting at the kitchen table tracing plans for my sister, earphones in, singing aloud to Toto, "Gorgy Porgy pudding pie, kissed the girls and made them cry, yeah!" as you do, when he calls out from the lounge room:

"Kissed the girls and made them cry?? Come on, girls never cried when I kissed them!"

"ew dad, as if!"

"I don't remember that happening... they were always pleased.. don't know what planet those blokes look like they're from"

Please dad, you wannabe stud muffin, keep it to yourself.

Just found out too (via fb) that this man, this balding, 61 year old man has just dyed his hair. Number one, I mean, what hair? Number two, your 61, you're allowed to be grey and number three, he's always been anti dying hair (he's been grey since his mid 30s) so why why why whyyyyyyyyy now?? Quote: "people progress. they're views change after a while" - yes well, OBVIOUSLY. Who is this man?!

Oh but I haven't told you about my little brother, have I? This boy, genius that he is, is quite the comedian/politically incorrect-at-times-shallow type person.

This is him during the walk from the car into the house in the rain:

"ew! I hate frogs! They have no purpose. They could at least get plastic surgery so they can look at least half decent!"

and this:

"When my toast pops up, butter and nigga (vegemite) it up. Thanks darl"

"N" word alert. One day he's going to get bashed.

the pot of gold...

Apres la pluie, le beau temps.

God is good. All things falling into their rightful place. I can see the sunshine through the storm clouds.

love and peace xx

I don't find it particularly LOL worthy but I am constantly entertained by him prancing around his blue tights.

oh Rowan.

movie not to seeeeeeeeee

Sucker punch: great start, alright ending, rubbish middle. Rubbish.

The end.

But wait, good soundtrack :)

The end.

Literally sitting here twiddling my thumbs because I actually have no work to do. Like, none... nothing worth bothering to do anyway.

I can hear my boss smashing the phone and swearing in one of the conference rooms because he's a twit and doesn't know how to put it on speaker phone.

Lol. It's always  the "intelligent" one's who have no common sense.

I'm gonna go..... shave...

Starting to feel the itch again.. it's been exactly a week and a half since iv'e been on facebook. Not the biggest achievement to some but a trillion years for me. I found myself tempted to sneak on last night (who would know?)... and just before I even went to the home page and put in my login details. It would have been so easy to just press Login.

But I told myself that I'd lose all my self-respect if I gave in!

Dammit.

Someone told me yesterday that I sometimes have a nervous laugh... I thought he was right for a moment, then I read this:

"Those who can laugh without cause

have either found the true meaning of happiness

or have gone stark raving mad."

-- Norm Papernick

If only he knew...

Frivolities this weekend included but was not limited to:

• showcasing my extreme wannabe removelist skillz
• 3am kebabs
• an attempt at shopping
• 4 hours of hip hop music, break dancing and plebs
• a ride in the boot of a car right next to a subwoofer and blue neon lights
• dinner cooking in the morning in my nighties
• my own mother rejecting me (she didn't want to hold me hand. pfft.)
• playing therapist and giving some probably bad life changing advice

Amen.

Forget me not.

Keep me breathing..

“If we look at the world with a love of life, the world will reveal its beauty to us.” ~Daisaku Ikeda

I love the smell of freshly cut grass, purging to my senses as every single one of my thoughts disappear.

I love the feel of rain drops on my skin, cold, real.

I love the way flowers, even just one, can make a landscape of a pallet of greys and browns, prettier. I love the way they're perfect even in their imperfection.

I love the way one bird answers another, whistling, trilling melodically, a sweet language of notes.

I love the way the the sun and the clouds argue. Fluffy, bulbous, imperfect marshmellows covering the sun as it fights to shine through, finally, succeeding when the wind parts the clouds, blowing them out of the way as the sun caresses my face, warming me to my bones.

I love looking people in the eye and noticing the patterns and hues of their iris, textures of a crater, river or sparkle in their eye.

I love the flutter of butterfly wings.

I love the first kiss, the unsuredness, the quickened heartbeat, the first imprint of lips and electricity charge through the body.

I love old things, things with a history, a story behind them.

I love spring and all things yellow.

I love music and how it takes over my mind, every beat and melody and backing, working together to take care of my soul.

high-larious.

Completely politically incorrect but undeniably hilarious.

According to whatsis face...

Statistics - can't trust 'em. I mean, they say "statistics don't lie", oh and I love the phrase "statistics show" to draw some grand, outlandish conclusion, but really, they're always taken from a select group of people which are supposed to be generalized across a whole nation, and most the time, just like science, it disproves itself.

For example, they say (statistics say - I'm sure there's some sort of scientific basis for this) a person thinks about 60,000 thoughts a day with 56,400 thoughts centred on the self. Other statistics say 70,000, others 12,000. Some dude (probably some one important or something) reckons 2-3000 (seems a bit off according to statistics)... I just googled this question to get the exact statistic for you and pretty much every site has a different dang figure! Statistics are soooooo reliable.

And how do they even get those "stats"?? (picturing some sort of inception scenario in labs with a wrinkled, fluffy-haired, toothless grandpa holding a metal helmet over a body, here).. and what even constitutes a "thought"? what about the "slow" G's, the deep-thinker's, analytical and creative arty farts? and that 56K figure, that's a figure for a fairly balanced individual, yeah? so what about the obviously selfish pepos?

Like I said, grand and outlandish.

Obviously we won't remember most our thoughts, just the interesting ones (oh man, I must be so boring, I never remember what I'm going on about) but imagine if we did, we'd have no room in our brains to.... think - el oh el - didn't think that one through.. but I mean we'd be all over the place. I already feel like my brain is cluttered with shiz and my thought bin is empty... but I can't even remember what my thoughts are.. and where was I going with this post?? rambling about something.. oh right, statistsics...

Mmm, I tire of this topic, time to finish.

I think I have bipolar.

statistically

irrelevant

Erm, so I failed the 1 month ban, well no, I didn't fail, Ray failed and now is indebted to me so I went back on.. yeeeeeeep.

BUT I'm detoxing with another set of people now.. hehe.

Two weeks.

Easy.

Blah.

It wasn't even midday yet and already 3 calls from work. Like, do you mind?! trying to be ill here.

That is all.

Whatta mad dog.

I went to my sister's house tonight for dinner, and my brother-in-law Bryce took me for a spin on his motorbike. That's right guys, his big, black, sexy Harley Davidson. And for a moment, I felt like a legit bikie chick in a harley leather jacket, face mask, helmet, glasses and leather gloves. If we could just take a moment now to picture this and appreciate the moment I had please?

It was sooooo... exhilarating, amazing, exciting, thrilling, adrenalating etc etc.. It was like, one moment we're going around round abouts and i'm scared that if we lean just a little bit more we could fall off, and the next moment we're gearing up hills or racing down the freeway, my eyes watering against the wind that has pushed past my eye wear, and then the next moment my butt is banging against the seat as we ride down a bumpy rode at 110kms.

And the inertia? amazing.

Yep. I'm pretty much gonna get me one of them.

The follow up post for yonks ago - my bad.

So I know it was a while ago that I posted about the whole egg donation thingo but I forgot all about it because after I did my homework I realized I couldn't do it.

I'll just give you a rundown of the procedure from what I understand of it.

First off, once all the interviews and blah blah's have happened and you've found someone you're going to donate to you have to have a check up which requires blood tests and ultrasounds to assess the health of your ovaries and check access for egg pick up etc. If all is well you then have to sync your menstrual cycle with the 'receiver's'. This is done by either injections or nasal spray and the cycling sync procedure can take from anywhere between 14-30 days. You first have to take this medication to suppress the ovaries from ovulating and then again to stimulate the ovaries to produce multiple follicles (to produce multiple eggs) - this is an injection. During this time you have blood tests and ultrasounds to monitor your ovaries to make sure you don't over stimulate or under stimulate. 36 hrs before egg pick up, a trigger injection is needed to release the eggs, to aid pick up. Day surgery admission for Egg Pick Up, with fasting both food and drink after 12am the night before. A light anesthetic is given to be ‘out’ for about an hour while the doctor picks up your eggs. This is done using a needle and needle guide through a vaginal transducer. The fluid in the follicles is drained, and the eggs are then taken for fertilisation.

So that's roughly the procedure, if you're interested in more info check this link

So, problems pour moi:

1. Having my hymen still intact, a slight (massive) problem for the ultrasounds and egg pickup. And I really wouldn't like my first time to be some sort of metal device. Sorry if that's crude.

2. Clinics generally won't let anyone who hasn't had at least one child (if not already completed their families) to donate, I suppose this is for the psychological effects.

3. Even if I was eligible, Victorian laws do not allow 'anonymous' donations. Meaning the child would always have access to me... but I still haven't decided where I stand on this point. But no matter, I'd have no choice anyway.

So yeah, that's me. And I'm kinda relieved that I didn't get the choice... it was too big for me to make.

All I seem to be talking about these days is the amount of sleep I'm NOT getting, boring much? I say as I sit here at 2:47am on a Saturday morning, blogging again to electrical currents.

My 1 month ban from facebook is going well, I have to say (it's only been a couple days though so don't be impressed). Yes, you will be reading a lot more ramble from me on here. Yes, I will be randomly surfing the net reading up on the invention of telephones (1876, guys) and mangos (did you know an average sized mango has 40% of the rdi of fibre? High in potassium too). Yes, I have made a Skype to compensate.

Yes, I have a problem.

But don't pretend you don't either, you just haven't allowed yourself to see it.. that's all I'm sayin'.

BUT (I know it's bad to start sentences with 'but'), I have gone back to good old book reading so there is some goodness a-happenin'.

Maybe I'll take up quilting... or not.

The challenge.

I de-activated my facebook account yesterday. I feel so disconnected with the world now, how sad is that? I already find myself tempted to log back in, what on earth did I do with myself before facebook came along? oh, myspace. A general observation here but isn't it tragic how people's lives have become accustomed to being centred around cyber space and trivial things like who is connected with who and what they plan to eat for dinner... I say as I sit here blogging into cyber space.

So anyway, a challenge has been put to me - a one month ban of facebook. If I break I owe my good friend Ray Muliaga $100 (and vice versa if he breaks). Not loose change in my back pocket.

Now alls I have to do is figure out a way to have my small victories over my boss now that constant login on to fb is out of the question... pilfering of office stationary? hiding his numerous pairs of sunglasses every now and then? questions, questions. But obviously I have to be a lot more creative.

Perfect.

With the amount of chaos that's going on in my life right now the only thing keeping me slightly sane are moments by myself with the stars and music playing in my ears. Last night in an attempt to get my zen happening I wondered outside across the field and to the park, shoeless, earphones in.

Music, is God's second greatest gift in my opinion. Just before flowers.

I sat on the swing looking at the sky, feeling the cool metal against my skin, grass under my feet and the breeze against my face, just letting all verbal thoughts go. My mind was completely and utterly filled with sound. I didn't feel like I was listening to anything external, I felt like the music was inside me, inside my mind.

And when I listened to something acapella, through my earphones I could hear the crickets - and it was sacred.

light in dark :)

Whilst insomnia haunted me last week (and this week still), rather than lay in bed cursing the active voice in my head but fatigued body I decided to have a midnight snoop around my house. Lo and behold, what do I find but a set of top secret government (ASIO) documents and fake passports... no, not really, not at all. I found a journal my parents wrote in when we were little with a bunch of loose documents sitting adhoc in its pages. It was fascinating reading stories about the start of the family and I felt a little affectionate swell as I read about their descriptions/comments about each of us children. So tender.

Things I learned:

1. My parents were always waaaaaaaaaaay spiritual.
2. Papa took me to see Luciano Pavarotti in concert when I was 3.
3. Papa used to do a bit of local radio work.
4. Mama bear insisted on finishing baking bread after her water broke before she went to the hospital to have me.
5. My older sibs did love me once... jokes. they never did. jokes again.

oh and I found this amongst various pictures and notes us kiddies drew/wrote to our parents over the young years :)

That mother of mine is secretly getting botox or something, I swear.