Thursday, January 13, 2011

Running through my head.

I don't even know where to begin.. my thoughts are all jumbled and I've got some serious thinking and intense research to do.. I just had lunch with a friend who had a "business proposition" for me which I'm completely considering but very very cautious and anxious/unsettled about.

My friend (let's call him Fred) has a neighbour, Vietnamese couple, "great people", who are having trouble conceiving. Because they don't know many people and are quite close with Fred and his family they asked him whether he knew anyone who would consider donating an egg to help them fall pregnant.. so he asked me.

After the initial processing took place (it took several moments and a few "wow's" "ummm's" and "gee's") about a gazillion questions popped up in my head:

Do I want to inadvertently have a child?
How does it work? Do they inject my egg into her? Does this sort of make me a surrogate mother?
Am I expected to be in the child's life?
Do I want to be in the child's life?
How do I feel about someone else claiming the child as their own?
What will I feel towards the child?
Are there risks?
Is the couple nice?? What if they're horrible?
What if, when the child grows up they want to meet me, what will it be like, what will I do? What if I find out they had a terrible childhood? I'll feel guilty.
What are the church's views on this? Will it affect my mission preparation?
How attached will I be to this baby?

The thing is, I think I want to do it but I'm so hesitant, this is a huuuuuuuuuge decision, one that can't be made because of money offerings. It's a big deal, emotion is involved. I want to help them. I just don't know how comfortable I am with it yet. I suppose a lot of comfort will come from further knowledge of the process and getting to know the couple.

I reeeeally want to help them but I can't rush into this.