The follow up post for yonks ago - my bad.

So I know it was a while ago that I posted about the whole egg donation thingo but I forgot all about it because after I did my homework I realized I couldn't do it.

I'll just give you a rundown of the procedure from what I understand of it.

First off, once all the interviews and blah blah's have happened and you've found someone you're going to donate to you have to have a check up which requires blood tests and ultrasounds to assess the health of your ovaries and check access for egg pick up etc. If all is well you then have to sync your menstrual cycle with the 'receiver's'. This is done by either injections or nasal spray and the cycling sync procedure can take from anywhere between 14-30 days. You first have to take this medication to suppress the ovaries from ovulating and then again to stimulate the ovaries to produce multiple follicles (to produce multiple eggs) - this is an injection. During this time you have blood tests and ultrasounds to monitor your ovaries to make sure you don't over stimulate or under stimulate. 36 hrs before egg pick up, a trigger injection is needed to release the eggs, to aid pick up. Day surgery admission for Egg Pick Up, with fasting both food and drink after 12am the night before. A light anesthetic is given to be ‘out’ for about an hour while the doctor picks up your eggs. This is done using a needle and needle guide through a vaginal transducer. The fluid in the follicles is drained, and the eggs are then taken for fertilisation.

So that's roughly the procedure, if you're interested in more info check this link

So, problems pour moi:

1. Having my hymen still intact, a slight (massive) problem for the ultrasounds and egg pickup. And I really wouldn't like my first time to be some sort of metal device. Sorry if that's crude.

2. Clinics generally won't let anyone who hasn't had at least one child (if not already completed their families) to donate, I suppose this is for the psychological effects.

3. Even if I was eligible, Victorian laws do not allow 'anonymous' donations. Meaning the child would always have access to me... but I still haven't decided where I stand on this point. But no matter, I'd have no choice anyway.

So yeah, that's me. And I'm kinda relieved that I didn't get the choice... it was too big for me to make.

light in dark :)

Whilst insomnia haunted me last week (and this week still), rather than lay in bed cursing the active voice in my head but fatigued body I decided to have a midnight snoop around my house. Lo and behold, what do I find but a set of top secret government (ASIO) documents and fake passports... no, not really, not at all. I found a journal my parents wrote in when we were little with a bunch of loose documents sitting adhoc in its pages. It was fascinating reading stories about the start of the family and I felt a little affectionate swell as I read about their descriptions/comments about each of us children. So tender.

Things I learned:

1. My parents were always waaaaaaaaaaay spiritual.
2. Papa took me to see Luciano Pavarotti in concert when I was 3.
3. Papa used to do a bit of local radio work.
4. Mama bear insisted on finishing baking bread after her water broke before she went to the hospital to have me.
5. My older sibs did love me once... jokes. they never did. jokes again.

oh and I found this amongst various pictures and notes us kiddies drew/wrote to our parents over the young years :)

That mother of mine is secretly getting botox or something, I swear.

Running through my head.

I don't even know where to begin.. my thoughts are all jumbled and I've got some serious thinking and intense research to do.. I just had lunch with a friend who had a "business proposition" for me which I'm completely considering but very very cautious and anxious/unsettled about.

My friend (let's call him Fred) has a neighbour, Vietnamese couple, "great people", who are having trouble conceiving. Because they don't know many people and are quite close with Fred and his family they asked him whether he knew anyone who would consider donating an egg to help them fall pregnant.. so he asked me.

After the initial processing took place (it took several moments and a few "wow's" "ummm's" and "gee's") about a gazillion questions popped up in my head:

Do I want to inadvertently have a child?
How does it work? Do they inject my egg into her? Does this sort of make me a surrogate mother?
Am I expected to be in the child's life?
Do I want to be in the child's life?
How do I feel about someone else claiming the child as their own?
What will I feel towards the child?
Are there risks?
Is the couple nice?? What if they're horrible?
What if, when the child grows up they want to meet me, what will it be like, what will I do? What if I find out they had a terrible childhood? I'll feel guilty.
What are the church's views on this? Will it affect my mission preparation?
How attached will I be to this baby?

The thing is, I think I want to do it but I'm so hesitant, this is a huuuuuuuuuge decision, one that can't be made because of money offerings. It's a big deal, emotion is involved. I want to help them. I just don't know how comfortable I am with it yet. I suppose a lot of comfort will come from further knowledge of the process and getting to know the couple.

I reeeeally want to help them but I can't rush into this.