Seriously.

What is it with oldies trying to be hip?? It's like, the older they get, they harder they try and be "down with it". Like iphones to ipads (mind you, they can barely see the text on "the jolly thing") to knowing who Lady Gaga is to having Facebook to using LOL (mum, dad - writing LOL on bills, catalogues and notes to us... well, lol but no).

No. Just no. It's not cool, it's alarming.

How about dad this morning in the car talking about a karaoke style music track having a "mean trumpet". Or last night, when something was "hardout"... I don't even talk like that. The only people I hear talk like that are a distinct 10 shades darker than him (not being racist, just realist) and about 40 years his junior. Clearly, he's been... well I don't know, I don't know where he's been or the crowd he's been hanging out with.. but a 62 yr old, balding man who wears his trousers above his belly button and can safely be called a dork.. well the imagery is a bit contradictory isn't it?

I'm not just taking a stab at poor ol' pops though, it seems to be an upward trend in the older generations. I saw a granny on her iphone on Facebook on the train a few months ago.. reading her news feed like it was the newspaper. I don't even have an iphone. I barely use Facebook these days. Hellooooo, isn't it her responsibility to be the cuddly-gran-in-her-apron-and-hair-rollers-baking-cookies-and-knitting-beanies-for-her-grandkids community representative? Instead of posting "lol @ ur bday pics dear" on walls?

Have we reached the age where oldies conform to the newest trend quicker than young ones?

When I grow old, just sayin', I'll be demanding my rights to finding the news out from the newspaper rather than my newsfeed. Imma take full pleasure in using phrases like "Jiminy Crickets!" and "Heaven forbid"... I'll probably insist on wearing slippers all day too instead of chucks.. but most likely because I'll have bunions by then and a tendency to stay indoors...

What makes smart people stupid.

-->

It’s amazing how many emotions you can feel at once. Things happen and somehow you have this never ending capacity to feel things.  And sometimes, relative to the situation, you just want to turn them all off.

It’s so easy to get immersed in one thing and lose grip of a part of yourself, to get attached to someone if you give it a chance. You get used to an idea and then when it doesn’t work out, you can feel it. There’s a part missing... it’s not that it was always missing and temporarily got filled it’s that that idea made space for itself within you and you got used to it. But when it’s gone, you’ve got this space that shouldn’t be there, that wasn’t naturally there. You didn’t ask for it, or plan it, it happened, and it was beautiful while it lasted.

But this isn’t unique, it’s typical. Cliche.

And you can feel every emotion under the sun and go through the motions, like sitting in a dark room watching your fingers type feelings you theoretically know you shouldn’t broadcast, but it’s just like every other story. 

The worst part is not knowing which emotion you should let take over... sadness is pretty naturally prevalent, anger is more bearable, but for some reason you know it’s not fair to be mad or bitter or distrustful because there’s still love.
But I guess you realise, at the end of it all, you’ve learned a whole lot about yourself and you can decide there and then whether you want to re-create parts of yourself...

coconuts.

Just a post for me to ramble because I like rambling.. nothing significant said here so you may as well stop reading (who actually says anything important.. if it's important you're much too serious, stop)... hanywho.. my mother has been on on a coconut binge lately (being a coconut herself) so there's been plenty of servings bouncing around, I even took some to work thinking I could share with my colleagues.. "nek minnit".. two of my colleagues hadn't even tasted coconut before (which was obviously force fed to them), one hadn't even had mango before OR apricots - super strange. Poor children, the deprivation of such basic joys one should have in life... I mean, where have these people been? the desert?? am I strange to find it strange? I likened it to not having ever seen The Sound of Music or Grease and you know what? Silence greeted me, my friends. silence.

what.

And I thought I was uncultured...

Just rambling..

I've been having this incessant niggling at the back of my mind, well, not really at the back, it pretty much dominates me, about getting out of the 'office' sphere. It has never been my cup of tea, everyone knows it, but... it pays the bills right? So for now I'll just have to stop sooking... but I was thinking right, why not do like a short/part-time course? Get a taste of what I would maybe like to study in a couple of years time when my mother forces me to uni.. you know?

So I was having a little geeze at work during my paid hours, being all company productive as I always am, and there were quite a few courses that interested me.... trouble is though, none of them are actually useful :P

Which is slightly annoying (how will I ever make a living?!), but more amusing. Rather than trying something sensible like business (zzzzzzz...) or teaching training, I'm seriously considering codswollop like:

• astrology
• iridology
• reiki
• meditation and practical zen
• shiatsu
• breast fitness

                                                     You get the gist...

but I need to do SOMETHING.

or I will go insane.

Waste not, want not.

Defs some interesting characters at this place - there's one fellow (happy/spaced out/walks-on-his-toes sort of fellow), for instance, who has an incessant need to print something out every half hour or so, walk into someone else's office to use their stapler and then take it straight to the recycle bin.

Why? no idea.

We're keeping a tally of how many times he does this per day in addition to how many times he walks past... we've placed bets amongst ourselves... unethical but amusing.

Yesterday someone jammed a large bit of cardboard in the recycle slot to mess with his head... I watched him proceed to force his bit of paper in.. poor guy, it really frustrated him... we giggled in the adjacent office... he gave up and left it sitting on top of the bin.



On another note, this workplace can't seem to get my name.. I started with Heidi and have somehow ended up with Mackenzie....

Letters to nobody.

Dear 12-yr girl with your butt cheeks literally hanging out of your short shorts,

1. Has your mother seen what you're wearing?

2. Don't you have some books to colour or something?

Sincerely,

Me

Dear boss of 4 more weeks,

You're not making it hard for me to leave you.

Sincerely,

Me

Dear Imogen Heap,

I'm seeing you tonight. You won't disappoint me and I will most likely tear up again (like the loser I am) because of your brilliancy.

Sincerely,

Me

Dear "the office racist",

Be careful, the black boy is behind you.

Sincerely,

Me

Literally sitting here twiddling my thumbs because I actually have no work to do. Like, none... nothing worth bothering to do anyway.

I can hear my boss smashing the phone and swearing in one of the conference rooms because he's a twit and doesn't know how to put it on speaker phone.

Lol. It's always  the "intelligent" one's who have no common sense.

I'm gonna go..... shave...

Someone told me yesterday that I sometimes have a nervous laugh... I thought he was right for a moment, then I read this:

"Those who can laugh without cause

have either found the true meaning of happiness

or have gone stark raving mad."

-- Norm Papernick

If only he knew...

According to whatsis face...

Statistics - can't trust 'em. I mean, they say "statistics don't lie", oh and I love the phrase "statistics show" to draw some grand, outlandish conclusion, but really, they're always taken from a select group of people which are supposed to be generalized across a whole nation, and most the time, just like science, it disproves itself.

For example, they say (statistics say - I'm sure there's some sort of scientific basis for this) a person thinks about 60,000 thoughts a day with 56,400 thoughts centred on the self. Other statistics say 70,000, others 12,000. Some dude (probably some one important or something) reckons 2-3000 (seems a bit off according to statistics)... I just googled this question to get the exact statistic for you and pretty much every site has a different dang figure! Statistics are soooooo reliable.

And how do they even get those "stats"?? (picturing some sort of inception scenario in labs with a wrinkled, fluffy-haired, toothless grandpa holding a metal helmet over a body, here).. and what even constitutes a "thought"? what about the "slow" G's, the deep-thinker's, analytical and creative arty farts? and that 56K figure, that's a figure for a fairly balanced individual, yeah? so what about the obviously selfish pepos?

Like I said, grand and outlandish.

Obviously we won't remember most our thoughts, just the interesting ones (oh man, I must be so boring, I never remember what I'm going on about) but imagine if we did, we'd have no room in our brains to.... think - el oh el - didn't think that one through.. but I mean we'd be all over the place. I already feel like my brain is cluttered with shiz and my thought bin is empty... but I can't even remember what my thoughts are.. and where was I going with this post?? rambling about something.. oh right, statistsics...

Mmm, I tire of this topic, time to finish.

I think I have bipolar.

statistically

irrelevant

Blah.

It wasn't even midday yet and already 3 calls from work. Like, do you mind?! trying to be ill here.

That is all.

All I seem to be talking about these days is the amount of sleep I'm NOT getting, boring much? I say as I sit here at 2:47am on a Saturday morning, blogging again to electrical currents.

My 1 month ban from facebook is going well, I have to say (it's only been a couple days though so don't be impressed). Yes, you will be reading a lot more ramble from me on here. Yes, I will be randomly surfing the net reading up on the invention of telephones (1876, guys) and mangos (did you know an average sized mango has 40% of the rdi of fibre? High in potassium too). Yes, I have made a Skype to compensate.

Yes, I have a problem.

But don't pretend you don't either, you just haven't allowed yourself to see it.. that's all I'm sayin'.

BUT (I know it's bad to start sentences with 'but'), I have gone back to good old book reading so there is some goodness a-happenin'.

Maybe I'll take up quilting... or not.

The challenge.

I de-activated my facebook account yesterday. I feel so disconnected with the world now, how sad is that? I already find myself tempted to log back in, what on earth did I do with myself before facebook came along? oh, myspace. A general observation here but isn't it tragic how people's lives have become accustomed to being centred around cyber space and trivial things like who is connected with who and what they plan to eat for dinner... I say as I sit here blogging into cyber space.

So anyway, a challenge has been put to me - a one month ban of facebook. If I break I owe my good friend Ray Muliaga $100 (and vice versa if he breaks). Not loose change in my back pocket.

Now alls I have to do is figure out a way to have my small victories over my boss now that constant login on to fb is out of the question... pilfering of office stationary? hiding his numerous pairs of sunglasses every now and then? questions, questions. But obviously I have to be a lot more creative.

Read between the lines.

Why do people say what they mean in a way where they aren't saying what it means when they say it? You don't usually think about it, but when you do you have to read between the lines. It's a risk factor for reading too much and/or reading too less into things.

I'm talking about social politeness and cover up phrases here. I myself like to call these "throw away phrases". For example:

"We should catch up some time"

Vague. Non-committal. Nice-to-see-you-again-but-my-life-didn't-change-without-you. Socially polite and a way of saying thankyou for filling in my usually mentally blank time during my train ride home. There are no real intentions to put in effort and organise a "catch up", it's just something you say.

RULE:
It should only be used by old friends or acquaintances from a past shared era not by someone you hardly know wherein "catching up" (on a whole lifetime of experiences to that current moment?? don't be silly) is irrational. When used in this context, "we should catch up some time" really means, "we should go on a date some time" or along those lines.

Here's another:

"hanging out/chilling"

Well yeah sure, let's hang out, as long as it's just HANGING OUT and not a cover up for a date because when I think it's just chillin' with a G and am putting in no efforts to impress, unbeknownst to little me the G is actually preying, there can be some awkward moments (including but not limited to the excess of personal questions asked, a lack of crap talking, the obvious attempt at trying to develop a deep conversation and the exchange of "funny" looks when you don't linger in the passenger seat longer than necessary).

Again, vague. Sneaky way of getting the equivalent of a date. Used to not show over-platonic interest in a person.


So why don't we say what we mean and mean what we say?

Mostly to avoid over exposure.

Silver lining?

So I slammed the phone down on my boss the other day after 2.5 years of being trampled on and since then he's either:

a) avoiding me
b) giving me silent treatment
or c) a bit of both

Which ever it is, it's suiting me just fine.

I don't know whether I should be a little worried though, I know him, and I know he can be quite calculating. But I also know what the firm is without me - stressed and messed up.

What ever happens though, it's time for a new environment anyway :)

I have a rather large suitcase sitting on my bed begging to be filled (never mind the 23kg limit as my baggage allowance) but the one thing I need the most is nowhere to be found - where is my motivation? I have been looking forward to this trip for months! I wake up hours before my alarm is due to go off I'm that excited. Allegedly.

I blame He Who Must Not Be Named (my boss - I'd type his name but I know for a fact he Google's himself on a weekly basis).

DRAINER.

In love.

I've come to the realization that I am, in fact, in love. And no, it's not what you think. I'm in love with music... I find myself looking forward to train rides just so I can plug in my earphones for that half hour morning and evening music love making session, driving the long route home so I can have more time with my car stereo, becoming socially inept with my family because I'd rather sit in my room listening to my ipod than ramble to them. I take my ipod with me everywhere just in case there's a chance I can listen to it. It's got to the point where I'm losing sleep over it, no seriously, I try not to fall asleep until after I listen to that song, no wait, this one... stay.. awake.. one more....

I'm not even sure my stream of consciousness involves words anymore, just tunes and melodies.. and if there are words, they're not mine.

All signs of an addiction... is there a music addict anonymous group? But baby, if love is wrong then I don't want to be right.

Grandma Fridays

Once again it's a Friday night and I find myself having another one of those "grandma effort" nights. I could easily shack up in pj's, hot chocolate and dvd's or a good book. Give me a Doris Day movie marathon any time! A recurring thought lately? "I can't wait for retirement", and I'm only 21, the thought is both depressing and beautiful.

Clearly I'm being overworked. Time for a holiday :)
This calls me.

English language

Have you ever realized how alien the English language can sound sometimes? take a word, any word, strip it's meaning from it and then repeat it over and over, concentrating on the way it sounds and the way your mouth moves to produce it. Amazing. It turns into gobbledegook.

One of my favourite words to do this to is "flabbergast".. it's already an entertaining word and I use it whenever I can because it gives me a thrill but seriously, do it! flabbergast... flabbergast... flabbergast.. flaaaaaabeeeergassssst...