Seriously.

What is it with oldies trying to be hip?? It's like, the older they get, they harder they try and be "down with it". Like iphones to ipads (mind you, they can barely see the text on "the jolly thing") to knowing who Lady Gaga is to having Facebook to using LOL (mum, dad - writing LOL on bills, catalogues and notes to us... well, lol but no).

No. Just no. It's not cool, it's alarming.

How about dad this morning in the car talking about a karaoke style music track having a "mean trumpet". Or last night, when something was "hardout"... I don't even talk like that. The only people I hear talk like that are a distinct 10 shades darker than him (not being racist, just realist) and about 40 years his junior. Clearly, he's been... well I don't know, I don't know where he's been or the crowd he's been hanging out with.. but a 62 yr old, balding man who wears his trousers above his belly button and can safely be called a dork.. well the imagery is a bit contradictory isn't it?

I'm not just taking a stab at poor ol' pops though, it seems to be an upward trend in the older generations. I saw a granny on her iphone on Facebook on the train a few months ago.. reading her news feed like it was the newspaper. I don't even have an iphone. I barely use Facebook these days. Hellooooo, isn't it her responsibility to be the cuddly-gran-in-her-apron-and-hair-rollers-baking-cookies-and-knitting-beanies-for-her-grandkids community representative? Instead of posting "lol @ ur bday pics dear" on walls?

Have we reached the age where oldies conform to the newest trend quicker than young ones?

When I grow old, just sayin', I'll be demanding my rights to finding the news out from the newspaper rather than my newsfeed. Imma take full pleasure in using phrases like "Jiminy Crickets!" and "Heaven forbid"... I'll probably insist on wearing slippers all day too instead of chucks.. but most likely because I'll have bunions by then and a tendency to stay indoors...

Yes we do love our Asain photo booths, we do.

Anna and I having our much needed girl date :)

                                          

Dork

I'm a dork and I love it!

Hobbiton - Auckland, New Zealand

isn't he gorgeous?

 

Look what I found, an Ork in Orkland (auckland, if you're not onto my drift ;P) 

Genius.

Sister 1 sitting at kitchen table eating a bowl of spaghetti bolognaise.

Sister 2 in bedroom doing homework.

Older Brother enters kitchen, walks past sister 1 to sister 2 in bedroom, opens bedroom door:

“So where’s this bloody spaghetti?”

Sister 1 overhears and looks up in disbelief.

Sister 2 “uh.. in the kitchen”

Brother “oh right”

Brother walks to stove and opens pot 1 ft spaghetti. Proceeds to fill plate. Brother then looks dumbfounded.

Brother asks sister 1 “where’s the bloody sauce?”

Sister 1 raises her eyebrows “In the pot next to it”.

Brother opens fridge and peers in “Is there any parmesan cheese?”

“no and you wouldn’t find it in the fridge anyway, there’s a block of cheese in there though”

“But its not grated”

“you serious? Man, I should return it..”

“Do I have to grate it myself?”

Sister 1 …………….

Can you believe he got an enter of 97.6??

The sleuth.

The awkward moment when your mother catches you snogging your "friend".

Mum, don't be lurking in dark corners and catching me unawares of your presence!

So awks.

a moment of...

The awkward moment when you only learn someone's name when they add you on Facebook - and you've "known" them for years.

And maybe if I sit here sniffing this permanent marker a little longer I'll wake up.

Just rambling..

I've been having this incessant niggling at the back of my mind, well, not really at the back, it pretty much dominates me, about getting out of the 'office' sphere. It has never been my cup of tea, everyone knows it, but... it pays the bills right? So for now I'll just have to stop sooking... but I was thinking right, why not do like a short/part-time course? Get a taste of what I would maybe like to study in a couple of years time when my mother forces me to uni.. you know?

So I was having a little geeze at work during my paid hours, being all company productive as I always am, and there were quite a few courses that interested me.... trouble is though, none of them are actually useful :P

Which is slightly annoying (how will I ever make a living?!), but more amusing. Rather than trying something sensible like business (zzzzzzz...) or teaching training, I'm seriously considering codswollop like:

• astrology
• iridology
• reiki
• meditation and practical zen
• shiatsu
• breast fitness

                                                     You get the gist...

but I need to do SOMETHING.

or I will go insane.

Letters to nobody.

Dear 12-yr girl with your butt cheeks literally hanging out of your short shorts,

1. Has your mother seen what you're wearing?

2. Don't you have some books to colour or something?

Sincerely,

Me

Dear boss of 4 more weeks,

You're not making it hard for me to leave you.

Sincerely,

Me

Dear Imogen Heap,

I'm seeing you tonight. You won't disappoint me and I will most likely tear up again (like the loser I am) because of your brilliancy.

Sincerely,

Me

Dear "the office racist",

Be careful, the black boy is behind you.

Sincerely,

Me

The men in my life.

You've already heard about my father, he hasn't changed a dot. There was a good one (when I say 'good' I mean awkward) last night from him - there I was, sitting at the kitchen table tracing plans for my sister, earphones in, singing aloud to Toto, "Gorgy Porgy pudding pie, kissed the girls and made them cry, yeah!" as you do, when he calls out from the lounge room:

"Kissed the girls and made them cry?? Come on, girls never cried when I kissed them!"

"ew dad, as if!"

"I don't remember that happening... they were always pleased.. don't know what planet those blokes look like they're from"

Please dad, you wannabe stud muffin, keep it to yourself.

Just found out too (via fb) that this man, this balding, 61 year old man has just dyed his hair. Number one, I mean, what hair? Number two, your 61, you're allowed to be grey and number three, he's always been anti dying hair (he's been grey since his mid 30s) so why why why whyyyyyyyyy now?? Quote: "people progress. they're views change after a while" - yes well, OBVIOUSLY. Who is this man?!

Oh but I haven't told you about my little brother, have I? This boy, genius that he is, is quite the comedian/politically incorrect-at-times-shallow type person.

This is him during the walk from the car into the house in the rain:

"ew! I hate frogs! They have no purpose. They could at least get plastic surgery so they can look at least half decent!"

and this:

"When my toast pops up, butter and nigga (vegemite) it up. Thanks darl"

"N" word alert. One day he's going to get bashed.

Literally sitting here twiddling my thumbs because I actually have no work to do. Like, none... nothing worth bothering to do anyway.

I can hear my boss smashing the phone and swearing in one of the conference rooms because he's a twit and doesn't know how to put it on speaker phone.

Lol. It's always  the "intelligent" one's who have no common sense.

I'm gonna go..... shave...

Starting to feel the itch again.. it's been exactly a week and a half since iv'e been on facebook. Not the biggest achievement to some but a trillion years for me. I found myself tempted to sneak on last night (who would know?)... and just before I even went to the home page and put in my login details. It would have been so easy to just press Login.

But I told myself that I'd lose all my self-respect if I gave in!

Dammit.

high-larious.

Completely politically incorrect but undeniably hilarious.