And tonight's lesson is:

May may happy days

So one of the blogs I’m following recently had a post about a Happy Days of May Project which is where you record one thing that made you happy that day for the month of May. 

Sometimes you get so caught up in things that you don’t even notice when you’re happy and you forget to count your blessings. So this coming month, that’s what I’m going to do, take the time to realise how colourful my world actually is. This is the month to stop letting my miserable twat moments suffocate me and start stealing those happy moments back.

In the English of the 21^st century: YOLO!

You.Only.Live.Once.

So live :)

Diary of a Mad Halfcaste Woman

It’s a terrible thing having the power to pull someone’s world down around them in your hands. Especially when surrounding external forces relating to that someone have such a profound effect on your emotions. It’s like, the battle between good you and evil you. Soldiering on through the mist, the moral compass pointing north, is ideal but it’s hard! Especially when there’s reminders of your lemons in life slapping you in the face left, right and centre. Suddenly that soldier is not looking so north, but rather west where momentary satisfaction lies, the moral danger.

If only what was right, was easy.

Sometimes I catch myself when I’m drowning in negative thoughts and I think, What have I become?? Have I changed or have I always never been as good a person as I thought… But then I somehow come to the conclusion, No I haven’t changed, this is normal. Human. This is self exploration, self revelation. The part of me that I once made vulnerable, hasn’t learnt to protect itself yet, it’s still at the mercy of humanity. And that’s where I’ve lost my faith. Humanity. But that’s another day’s rant.

But this all-consuming, soul-defying itch to destroy is coming from somewhere. Driven by jealousy, stemmed from anger, born of hurt, which of course, comes down to heartache. Still. Yes, it still plagues me. And so I conclude, the human mind is the most poisonous place to be.

And I cannot disagree with Euripides, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”

And oh, how that fury burns on and cannot be relinquished till its thirst to scorch has been quenched.

See? The internal battle of good and evil goes on… bothersome when I’m trying to be like Jesus. The good guy always wins in the end though, right? Mmmm.. this is not Hollywood.

But now that that’s out, all that wallowing and self cherishing has been vented, ye givers of lemons ready to see me make lemonade?

"Never regret showing emotion. It gives others a glimpse of your soul in it's rawest form".

- Me

Seriously.

What is it with oldies trying to be hip?? It's like, the older they get, they harder they try and be "down with it". Like iphones to ipads (mind you, they can barely see the text on "the jolly thing") to knowing who Lady Gaga is to having Facebook to using LOL (mum, dad - writing LOL on bills, catalogues and notes to us... well, lol but no).

No. Just no. It's not cool, it's alarming.

How about dad this morning in the car talking about a karaoke style music track having a "mean trumpet". Or last night, when something was "hardout"... I don't even talk like that. The only people I hear talk like that are a distinct 10 shades darker than him (not being racist, just realist) and about 40 years his junior. Clearly, he's been... well I don't know, I don't know where he's been or the crowd he's been hanging out with.. but a 62 yr old, balding man who wears his trousers above his belly button and can safely be called a dork.. well the imagery is a bit contradictory isn't it?

I'm not just taking a stab at poor ol' pops though, it seems to be an upward trend in the older generations. I saw a granny on her iphone on Facebook on the train a few months ago.. reading her news feed like it was the newspaper. I don't even have an iphone. I barely use Facebook these days. Hellooooo, isn't it her responsibility to be the cuddly-gran-in-her-apron-and-hair-rollers-baking-cookies-and-knitting-beanies-for-her-grandkids community representative? Instead of posting "lol @ ur bday pics dear" on walls?

Have we reached the age where oldies conform to the newest trend quicker than young ones?

When I grow old, just sayin', I'll be demanding my rights to finding the news out from the newspaper rather than my newsfeed. Imma take full pleasure in using phrases like "Jiminy Crickets!" and "Heaven forbid"... I'll probably insist on wearing slippers all day too instead of chucks.. but most likely because I'll have bunions by then and a tendency to stay indoors...

Last week I attended a Buddhist Teachings and Meditation class, just because. The teachings and practises of Buddhism are actually quite beautiful. We started off with a meditation and then the Gen started the teachings.

After trying to incorporate what I learned about love, consideration and patience - being the ultimate way to lasting happiness and peace of mind in Buddhism, I found I am in dire need of some serious re-evaluation of myself.

Love = love others and yourself
Consideration = the desire to not want to harm or cause harm to others
Patience = accepting pain and negative emotions but being able to separate your emotions from the situation to better deal with it.

Trust me. They're harder to live than you think. Especially when your life is becoming a soap opera and you have no idea who the writer is.

A couple of things really stood out to me that the Gen said that I remember every now and then:

1. There is no point in being unhappy, it achieves nothing.
2. You have no right to take others "chocolate covered strawberries".. meaning don't shoot someone down if something is making them happy.

Honestly, inspiration coming out of your ears. And a strange new belief in yourself.

Marche

Something about markets that I just love! The trinkets, the smell of BBQ and exotic foods, the vintage clothes, eccentric people, sunshine and omg that Dr Hook vinyl you've been looking for everywhere!
Literally sitting here soaking up the sun and music whilst people peruse through the goods in our stall. Love.

Morning Music

Choosing the right song to listen to first thing in the morning is probably your most important decision of a day, in my opinion anyway.

Cos it sets your mooooooood up...

This morning's:

Criticize - Alexander O'Neal

Yes we do love our Asain photo booths, we do.

Anna and I having our much needed girl date :)

                                          

Rules.

I know I've said I refuse to have resolutions this year because if I don't have resolutions I can't fail BUT I will make a few rules for 2012:

1. Do seemingly pointless things if it makes you happy.

2. Always accept first, reject after consideration.

3. Stop rushing. Just shutup and listen to the silence.

4. When it get's too complicated ask a child for advice - "out of the mouths of babes"

5. Prove you’re alive. Dance in the supermarket, scream ‘Toad’ during a moment of silence. Remind the world you are still here.

6. Remember everything will be fine. If you worry about acne, you will get a bloody pimple.

7. Be crazy. All the best people are.

8. Just love.


The glass isn't half full or half empty.. it's just half a glass. Cheers.

Dork

I'm a dork and I love it!

Hobbiton - Auckland, New Zealand

isn't he gorgeous?

 

Look what I found, an Ork in Orkland (auckland, if you're not onto my drift ;P) 

Anthem

A little bit of Queen B to sing it for me <3 me, myself and I

What makes smart people stupid.

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It’s amazing how many emotions you can feel at once. Things happen and somehow you have this never ending capacity to feel things.  And sometimes, relative to the situation, you just want to turn them all off.

It’s so easy to get immersed in one thing and lose grip of a part of yourself, to get attached to someone if you give it a chance. You get used to an idea and then when it doesn’t work out, you can feel it. There’s a part missing... it’s not that it was always missing and temporarily got filled it’s that that idea made space for itself within you and you got used to it. But when it’s gone, you’ve got this space that shouldn’t be there, that wasn’t naturally there. You didn’t ask for it, or plan it, it happened, and it was beautiful while it lasted.

But this isn’t unique, it’s typical. Cliche.

And you can feel every emotion under the sun and go through the motions, like sitting in a dark room watching your fingers type feelings you theoretically know you shouldn’t broadcast, but it’s just like every other story. 

The worst part is not knowing which emotion you should let take over... sadness is pretty naturally prevalent, anger is more bearable, but for some reason you know it’s not fair to be mad or bitter or distrustful because there’s still love.
But I guess you realise, at the end of it all, you’ve learned a whole lot about yourself and you can decide there and then whether you want to re-create parts of yourself...